The Gift of Sincere Compliments

by Amy Sullivan on December 12, 2011

Image by Jonah McClure

In eighth grade, I begged my mom to put me in another school.

I was a country girl plopped down in a city school.

I wore sweatshirts, and they wore Guess. I laced-up scuffed Reeboks, and they sported sparkling Keds. I played Madonna again and again, and they jammed out to the Beastie Boys. I knew about secret crushes, and they understood full-blown sex.

And somewhere in between my lack of multiple Swatches and relentless comments from the pom squad, I decided I was done. 

My mom saw my misery, and enrolled me in the local Catholic school. Plaid uniforms, no pom squads, no dangly earrings, no cursing, and no Guess.

It was during my time as a member of this tiny Catholic class that I learned about community, and I learned about the gift of words. I participated in an activity that impacted me greatly, and I’ve done the same activity each year before Christmas as a way of showing my students how to give each other something valuable.

Now, I know you want to hear what kind of activity made the quiet girl with big hair and too much black, eye make-up feel loved, don’t you? Read on.

  1. On the board, create a list of positive character traits and words students could use to describe a friend.
  2. Count how many students are in class.
  3. Have students cut a piece of paper (or several sheets) into strips so each person in class will receive a strip.
  4. Ask students to write each of their peer’s names on a slip.
  5. Have students write one positive thing on each slip of paper.
  6. When students finish, tape each slip to a full piece of paper.
  7. Read over comments (just in case a not-so-positive one makes its way in).
  8. Add your own thoughts to each sheet.
  9. The next day, give each student a sealed envelope with their sheet of compliments.

A simple, free, and powerful gift kids can give each other. How do I know it works?

Amy, You are funny. I love it when you make me laugh, especially in mass when you make up words to the hymns you don’t know.

Amy, I think you are really smart. I don’t even have to pretend your spelling words are spelled right on your test.

Amy, Thanks for listening.

I remember. It’s been over twenty years, but I still remember.

Before Christmas break, have your students give each other something they will remember too, positive words.

Questions for you: What is the last sincere compliment you remember receiving? Do remember specific compliments your peers gave you as a child or teen?

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Tagged as: character education

  • http://www.lauraleighparker.com Laura Parker

    Amy, this idea literally gives me the chills. I love the way you wrote this and I adore this idea. The power of it– obviously played out in your memory, 20 years later. What a gift it would be to provide that for our students, right? Right?!

    I think I might just do this activity with my kids and family, too! Thanks so much!

    • http://writingwhilethericeboils.blogspot.com/ Debbie Maxwell Allen

      Laura, funny that you and Amy are friends! The wonders of the internet.

      Amy, I did this same activity in my college years with a team of 45 Teen Missions kids in the Philippines. I still have the sheet of paper with the comments. Amazing how we can be inspired by words.

      ~Debbie

      • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

        Debbie,
        It sounds as if you and Laura know each other too! Very fun. Maybe from time in CO? Ahhh, I still miss those mountains out west.

      • http://www.lauraleighparker.com Laura Parker

        How fun is that! I assume you and Amy know each other in real life?

        Amy, Debbie and I went to the same church in CO and we had her wonderful kids in our youth group for like 4 years! And her daughters babysat my kids!

        It is a small world sometimes, right!?!

        • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

          LP,
          Nope, not in real-life. Just from online.

  • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

    LP,
    My stepdad did a similar version of this (not inspired by my activitiy, but inspired by him). He sent letters to all kinds of people from my mom’s past, and asked them to relive good memories they shared with her in the form of a card or letter. It was amazing and powerful. He collected all the letters and put them together as a book. A treasure for sure.

    But yes, I see this as a great activity for families too!

  • http://onlyhere-onlynow.blogspot.com HopeUnbroken

    amy,
    i think you’re amazing because you continue to inspire me toward things that take me outside myself. for that, i love you :-) and you make me laugh a good bit of the time, too, which is oh-so-helpful.
    i don’t remember the most recent compliment, but the one that stokes me the most–”you’re the bomb mom!” and yes, the punctuation is right. not bomb, mom. BOMB MOM!!! oh, yeah. that’s so me :-)
    i’ll have to think how i can use this activity in my sphere of influence. sounds like a beautiful idea.

    • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

      Steph,
      Thank you. Looking outside myself is not a natural action for me. It’s forced, but you know what? It’s becoming less and less forced.

      As for you being the “BOMB MOM”, that’s something that isn’t too hard to imagine.

  • http://immersionblogapy.blogspot.com lori

    I see someone else has been thinking of IL :) Oh, the beginning of this brings back many memories. And, I absolutely love this idea. It could work for any group really because I don’t think many of us get enough compliments to balance out the negative. I love that you still remember the compliments you were given. We did something similar to this with my teen mission group in Honduras, and I still have every single piece of paper with compliments scrawled across them. It was definitely one of those lasting experiences for me, too. Great post, A.

    • http://www.lauraleighparker.com Laura Parker

      I totally agree about the memories brought back from this post. I was totally nodding at the KEDS comment, too! I totally remember our family having to buy knock-off KEDS and how I knew that everyone else knew they weren’t “real” because they didn’t have that little blue tag on the back! I also totally remember buying GUESS clothes at TJMAxx one day and thinking I had hit jackpot because I could actually wear a GUESS shirt that we could afford!

      So funny. Have I told you that I adore everything you write?!

      • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

        Laura,
        Thanks for the encouragment with the writing, and regarding the Keds…You may have owned knock-off Keds, but did you have knock-off Keds with a hand-drawn fake blue rectangle? Oh, I did, I did. I did because I drew the rectangle, baby.

        And although I loved TJMAXX (still do), the mean girls at my middle school actually said things like, “Oh, I saw that shirt on sale at TJMAXX.” Ouch.

  • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

    LAM,
    I could write a book on thoughts from middle school, and I love that you have your book from Honduras. I’m sure it’s something special that you take out every once in awhile.

    If you don’t keep documentation of words, sometimes they get blurred in your memory, or you forget them all together.

  • http://www.outofmyallegedmind.com Nancy

    First, Reeboks are way better sneakers than Keds! Now I wish I were in a classroom so I could do something like this. Maybe I can mull a way to adapt it. You’re right; words can be a powerful source of blessing. So glad you’re continuing this, word girl.

  • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

    Nancy,
    Um, maybe support wise, but the coolness factore of Reeboks was very low!

    Oh, and I love the idea of adapting this to other aspects of our lives. Lastly, and a tad random, I really like the show “Word Girl”.

  • http://theletteraday.com amanda dodson

    This made me teary, Amy! Man, words are powerful. This is such a great activity … I’ll definitely pass it on. (Merry Christmas, friend … hope you’re doing well!)

  • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

    Amanda,
    Yes, the power of words is staggering both positive (like here!), and negative (like in Laura’s post previous to mine). We carry the weight of these words with us. Always good to hear from you Amanda D.

  • http://whoivealwaysbeen.blogspot.com Carolyn Counterman

    Great stuff, Amy! I keep those compliments written down for when I need them later. I call them “niceties”. Teenagers especially need niceties. Glad I don’t have to go through that tough time again.

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      Carolyn,
      Doing the teen years over again? No thanks. All things techy have put a very different spin on this part of growing up. Glad I made it through those years without having to answer to an online audience.

  • http://www.teawithtiffany.com Tiffany Stuart

    As a lover of words, I love this post. Words do matter and I’m so glad you are reminding us of their power. :) Thank you. And Merry Christmas!

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      Tiffany,
      Thanks for clicking over and reading, friend.

  • Loraine Erickson

    Hey Aim,
    Love this post. Full of good stuff! I am passing this on to the Heath. We need to use this somewhere.
    I never did own a pair of guess jeans and I am glad Candy put you in Catholic school. :)

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      Loraine,
      Thanks, girl. I did finally get my hot little hands on a pair of Guess jeans (two pairs actually), but you know what happened? They were stolen from a washing machine in our apartment building. Not a happy day for me (cue really sad music).

      Yes, I am thankful my mom put me in Catholic School. It forced me to be a part of a community.

  • http://findingheaventoday.blogspot.com Jen Ferguson

    Sometimes I feel like SDG is like the day you do this activity in your classroom. People coming to visit each other, encouraging, exciting, and loving each other. Perhaps this is why it is my favorite day of the week.

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      JF,
      Ha! Agreed. People visit, comment, and encourage.

  • http://http//www.mommandherboys.blogspot.com marlece

    Oh Amy, you are the best teacher EVER! I think I will do this with my kiddoes….I was just telling husband today….”I know I am suppose to be giving (my biggest kid) positive reinforcement but I’m having to dig really deep to find it, but I KNOW how important it is to do!” There is life or death in the tongue….yikes, help me Lord! Great post friend!

  • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

    Marlece,
    I think teens and tweens need an extra scoop of the positive reinformcement, but sometimes digging through the attitude can be hard.

    I hope you try this one, and as always, thanks for your positive comments and always lending your voice to the conversation.

  • http://www.heavenlyglimpses.blogspot.com Theresa @ Heavenly Glimpses

    Love this! Words are so powerful. So powerful.

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      Theresa,
      Thanks for reading and for the encouragement.

  • http://raiseyoureyes.dreamhosters.com/ Connie@raise your eyes

    Love how your mom hurt for you and moved you to a place you could bloom and grow…such a gift.

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      Connie,
      Me too, me too. Fourteen is a pivitol year, and I needed some structure and a whole lot of love. This school provided both. Thanks for reading, Connie.

    • http://www.lauraleighparker.com Laura Parker

      I agree Connie . . . Amy’s mom’s insight and willingness to really hear her was a huge gift. Hopefully, I can do that for my own kids, as well.

  • http://lauraboggess.com laura

    I love this, Amy. I had a similar experience (but had to tough it out. what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger :) Give me Catholic school any day. ) I think we can generalize this activity to grown up gatherings too. Wouldn’t that be fun?

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      Laura,
      Yes, we could generalize this idea to grown up gatherings! We just don’t hear the positives enough. It’s one thing to promote this kind of thinking with our kids, but we need to follow through with it as adults as well. Good point.

  • http://livingtopleasegod.blogspot.com Rhoda

    That’s a lovely idea! I’m going to save it in my head for some time when either my kids are older or I’m teaching youth at church or something :) I also think you must have a great mom, to have her listen to your wishes and move you to a different school.

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      Rhoda,
      I do have a great mom, and I wonder if I would have moved my child so quickly if she was having trouble. I’m very thankful she was paying attention. Thank for reading, Rhoda.

  • http://craftinanortherntown.blogspot.com Jill

    Great post Amy! I wish someone would’ve done this when I was in jr high and high school. I wouldn’t go back to that time in my life for a bajillion dollars. Ugh. I’m also thinking on how I can incorporate this somehow…I wonder if I could do it as a team builder…hmmm.

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      Jill,
      Yes, yes, do it as a team builder. That would work perfectly or as a wrap up to a team building activity.

    • http://www.lauraleighparker.com Laura Parker

      I agree Jill . . . I think it would take more than bajillion dollars for me to go back, too. :)

  • http://gg-notesonthejourney.blogspot.com Glenda Childers

    This would be a fun family activity, too, Amy.

    Amy . . . you have a sweet spirit and use your teaching words to bless the Body of Christ. (You can add that to your list, from me.)

    fondly,
    Glenda

  • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

    Glenda,
    Thanks, lady. Your words should go on my little piece of paper.

  • http://heartsoulexchange.blogspot.com/ Heart and Soul Pursuits

    Great Post and insight … lovely Amy :)

  • Melody

    Amy….love this idea!!!! Just copied the link and sent it to our principal and three teachers. I’m offering to help if they want/need it because I am so loving this project. Thanks for sharing!

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      Melody,
      Thanks for passing along the link! I appreciate it, and I appreciate you offering to help. That’s awesome! You are so like that. . .awesome and all.

  • http://momentsandimpressions.blogspot.com/ Nessa

    This is awesome… what a wonderful activity.

    • http://www.amylsullivan.blogspot.com Amy Sullivan

      Nessa,
      Thanks for stopping by and reading.

  • http://www.findtheflametofan.blogspot.com Abby

    Hey there! Love, love, love this!! I can imagine that it is pretty powerful:} And having been in the classroom, I know it would mean a lot to most of the kids:} Though I don’t know if my high school math classes would have laughed me out of the class or opportunity…but I think I would have been brave enough to try, I sure did try lots of other things!!

    hugs & miss you bloggy friend!

  • http://thegiftofwords.co.uk Melinda Sealy Fargo

    Amy, this post brought a tear as I remembered a teacher saving me all those years ago and is a story I tell often. She looked behind my ‘attitude’ and bad behaviour and said “What is it you are trying to say with your actions that you feel ill-equipped to say with your words?” She is the reason I am here today having started a company called ‘The Gift of Words.’

    I believe in the power of words to uplift, inspire and transform us so much that, yes, I started a company. I especially want to start with schools and do for even one child what was done for me. That we start gifting words to each other in a more profound way and that we make gifting words as legitimate as gifting, say, flowers, chocolate or jewellery. Apologies if this sounds like a sales pitch. Not meant to be. I am just passionate about what I do.

    To answer the question.

    One of the most memorable gift of words came from my brother after my husband died last year. Working hard to get my company to market and being a mum is the guilt trip of a lot of parents. He told my children:

    “If you ever need a point of reference for someone who gets up every single time she is knocked down; to do her best for all of those around her, but especially her children? For someone with the work ethic, look no further than your mother.”

    I have never forgotten it.

  • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

    Melinda,
    The “Gift of Words” and now, I must go check it out. Thank you for sharing a bit of you, not at all sales pitchy. I like the passion.

  • http://thegiftofwords.co.uk Melinda Sealy Fargo

    You are very gracious. My work has already put me in touch with blogs of inspiration I might not have come across otherwise. Again, an insightful piece.

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