Are you finding it challenging to teach a difficult child? Does it seem like a few apples are making the bunch taste awfully rotten this school year? Do you have one or two who are challenging your determination to remain positive until summer break? If you are nodding your head, hopefully the following illustration and teaching tips on difficult students will be an encouragement.
So I was sitting with a group of home-educators a while ago, and we were listening to a child psychologist speak about the behavior of children. About halfway through the meeting, she drew a leafy plant, in green marker on the whiteboard.
And she then asked this question, “What is a difficult behavior your child/student is exhibiting?”
And the answers to that question, posed to any group of teachers, could be a mile-long –
bursts of anger, not finishing homework, talking back, displaying anti-social behavior, complaining, lying.
But instead of giving action-steps to each of the behaviors mentioned, the counselor turned back to her whiteboard sketch. She drew a much bigger picture of a carrot underneath the initial drawing of the leafy plant. And then she lowered the boom–
She said that any behavior a child displays is only the symptom of a deeper issue. For every leafy plant evident above ground, there is a larger carrot of the why underneath the surface.
And you could see the wheels turning in the minds of the women in the room, because addressing the carrot is a more complicated issue than addressing merely the leafy plant. And, it is, admittedly, much more time-consuming. To deal with why Johnny is angry all the time is a much broader, more involved process than just handing him a consequence for yelling at his friend on the playground. And yet, and yet, addressing the why behind a negative action is a much better long-term behavior plan. If a teacher only looks at symptoms, she’ll probably miss the root of things entirely.
Tuesday’s Teaching Tip: Three Most Important Steps to Teaching a Difficult Child
1. Determine to find {and focus on} at least one positive quality about that student. Write it down. Praise the student for it. A lot.
2. Look for the root of the issue. Remember that all behaviors have deeper roots, and while you do need to discipline for the negative behaviors, it helps your own attitude if you can remember that there are likely much deeper issues at play in the student’s life. Allow this reality of the carrot to enlarge your compassion for the student.
3. Say at least 5 kind things to that student every day. Or more. A whole bunch more. Let the student know that you are on his/her team. Determine to speak encouragement. Even for small things. Give yourself little check marks in your planner to keep yourself accountable. Despite the past months of potential struggle with a student, decide to pursue a healthier, more positive teacher-student relationship.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
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What’s helped you in teaching difficult students?
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