How-To Fall For the Kid Who Drives You Crazy

by Amy Sullivan on April 12, 2012

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I have a thing for the naughty kids, the ones who curse and spit and do the exact opposite of what successful students are required to do.

I like the kids who frequent the office, refuse help, and show some fight.

Those kids make me smile. However, those kids drive most crazy.

Tough kids keep you from hitting your grove. They consume time and energy and often negatively impact the learning of others.

And if we are honest, it’s easy to want to write-off kids who drive you crazy, but resist the urge. Instead, I challenge you to follow these four steps to help you begin a positive relationship with that tough kid in your class.

Find the good. Dig. Fine, dig deep, really deep, and search for good. It’s buried underneath years of attitude and most likely learning problems, but find something good about this kid. Hold onto it. Guard it, and when you feel like giving up, keep coming back to the sliver of good.

Show others the good. Tough kids need a support network and so do you. After you find the good in your tough student, share it with others. Tell colleagues about the time he did the right thing or showed compassion. Focus on his sense of humor or his art skills, and allow this student to shine in a positive light. Help others find a reason to like this student so later when you are frustrated, they can remind you.

Connect on a personal level, but don’t take it personal. Tough kids act out, and here’s a secret. It’s rarely about the teacher. Try not to personalize poor behavior. You cannot allow talking back or slamming books to ruin a relationship.

Review short and simple behavior expectations frequently. Kids don’t need lectures twice every class period. They need short reminders in a matter-of-fact tone.

What about you? What are some tips and tricks you’ve seen succeed when working with tough kids?

Amy L. Sullivan, Special Education Teacher

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Tagged as: behavior management, tips for hard to reach kids

  • kendalprivette

    excellent post, hero. i knew it was yours when i read the title! like you, i find that when i get to know a kid better, we have more success in the classroom. so i try to walk with them to lunch and chat a little. or stop by their lunch table. any down time to relate on a personal level, i take advantage of that.

    • lauraparkerblog

      Yes, I think Amy is one of my heroes, too. And I SO ADORE that first paragraph. Totally inspiring, absolutely. I love that you pointed out that kids’ behavior isn’t a personal attack on the teacher. This is a good reminder b/c oftentimes, I think it feels like that. I think making quick, non-emotional statements is key, too, instead of an emotional lecture that drives guilt for the student.

    • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

      Agreed. It’s amazing what a little personal attention can do.

  • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

    Kendal,
    I feel as if any extra personal attention makes a big, big difference. Sure, sometimes attempts to connect are successful, but you know what? One day they just might be!

  • http://profiles.google.com/lbe36s Lisa M

    Let them know you care, that makes such a difference! Love them, as difficult as that may be at times.:)

  • http://profiles.google.com/lbe36s Lisa M

    Let them know you care, that makes such a difference! Love them, as difficult as that may be at times.:)

    • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

      Lisa M,
      Yes, yes! Showing up isn’t enough. Tell them.

  • Kranickka

    I couldn’t agree more! Honestly, I do not believe it is even possible to “teach” these difficult children until we can reach them. We have to work harder than ever with these kids to let them know that they matter to us. We, as educators, have no idea what their lives are like when they leave us at the end of the day! Working in an urban district, I have made it a point to reach out to the toughest of kids and they have taught me SO much about their lives. I have developed an atmosphere of trust and my expectation that they will do their best is all I ask for in return. They do not want to lose that trust and they have discovered the intrinsic skills needed to stay focused, complete assignments and set goals for themselves that they never dreamed possible! I wouldn’t trade what I do for the World!

    • lauraparkerblog

      Wow, sounds like you are in a really influential place in kids’ lives. I love your heart and commitment to build trust with them, working in the middle of all the struggles an urban world brings. Thanks for sharing this. And thanks for pursuing relationships with kids that are worth the pursuit, always.

    • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

      Agreed. Learning is much easier when we find a way to reach kids on a personal level. Thanks for reading, Kranickka.

  • HopeUnbroken

    i know.  i probably have no business bein’ here, but you made it sound like a challenge when you issued the invitation on your blog :-)
    that said, what great thoughts, and so much i can use as a mom, a homeschooling mom, and a mom of some kiddos with special needs!  i know it’s geared toward teachers, but these are just all-around great ideas!  it’s all about perspective, eh?  and i know mine needs readjusted regularly.  so, thanks.
    and somehow, i’m not surprised you gravitate toward the more difficult students.  you’ve got enough sass and love combined. . . they probably never know what hit ‘em.
    steph

    • lauraparkerblog

      I totally think Amy’s advice works for our kids or any kids we rub shoulders with– so you do totally belong here. :)

    • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

      Steph,
      I love that you think my combo of sass and love is a good one, and I’m thrilled you stopped by. Homeschooling moms are TOTALLY welcome.

    • Dis-hearted-teacher-mom

      Hi HopeUnbroken, You have the right…. you are just as much a teacher as anyone who gets a degree… I’d say raising children should give you a degree… I too home-schooled. Only got to home school my youngest. My older child, was bored to death by 6th grade with the repetition of public schools and wanted to learn more of what was being taught. At that time homeschooling was considered wrong and I even got some nasty remarks about even thinking about homeschooling. Like lack of socialization. Read about me above this posting and you’ll see that going to public school isn’t a guarantee of socialization or education either. Hats off to you for home schooling.

  • http://amyinwanderland.com/ Amy in Wanderland

    Awesome advice, Amy. We always need reminders to look for the good. Just shared with my school district. :)

    • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

      Woo hoo! Thanks for sharing, Amy.

    • Dis-hearted-teacher-mom

      You are one of the teachers I would have loved to have had when I was in school many years back. By chance any of your good teachers out there willing to have clones made of you? We need better teachers all round.

  • Ruimoudco

    You are enabling children for failure in the future by doing this.  A job will not tolerate this behavior, and we should be training this miscreants for a real world experience.  Tired of this type of article.

  • Dis-hearted-teacher-mom

    Hi Amy, Like Hope Unbroken, I too home schooled my last child. I think what parents, teachers and people in general don’t realize is that WE ALL are Teachers. Some great, some good, some not so good and some down right horrible….( the abusive parent’s/teachers). Yep, I said teachers… I had a few in school and people wonder why some kids lose it at school. I also volunteered in the school system as a parent. I could reach kids that teachers had written off as unreachable, and unteachable. I had good teachers before I ever started school. My parents, grandparents, even a great grand parent. To help many students you must learn to walk 5 miles, not one in their shoes. Look past the outward child and see what’s “Buried” deep inside. The child, no matter the age or grade may not have a life at home. I could control a child not even in my sight with a raised hand making a 1 sign (1 finger held up); deemed uncontrollable by the teachers in that school. Turned a rowdy art class in to a quiet working class… to the total consternation of their teacher. When she arrived her class was seated and busy. She couldn’t believe it was her students she was watching through the door. Kids leaving that school wanted me at the next school and those still there wanted me to stay. Even the principals at those schools wanted me at both. And they all thought I had a teachers degree….then begged me to get one when they found out I didn’t. When I graduated from school. Had they voted on me, I would have been voted most likely to be nothing worthy of even being alive. Though I wanted to be a Vet Doc. I was repeatedly told all I’d ever be good for was a domestic eh, housewife.When I started first grade… Jane and Dick books were baby books to me. I was reading the Bible, Compton’ s Encyclopedias, The Children’s Hour books; as well as a college set of encyclopedias . My first job in my class? Helping my teacher teach reading to my classmates who didn’t know how to read. From day one I was always an outcast. I was the butt of vicious jokes and treatment by students as well as some teachers.. When I rode to and from school… I stared out the windows of the bus or did homework while riding. I have seen what taking the Bible out of the school system did to everyone. If was not good…I saw kids slowly turning from being kid’s who said yes mam and no mam, and lets pray for teacher (you fill in the name),to drop dead bi-ach. Ditto the teachers. And even as a “child”,I knew the world had lost it’s mind when people started turning their backs on Jesus. Oh, my home-schooler? has a degree in Business Administration/Billing & Coding. My public schooled has decided late in life to go to college for PC security. I read to my children & now grand children, just the way my folks did. I encourage them to learn kindness and compassion for others, just as I was taught at home to do. And not to be a “downer” on an education. I have learned this much about one. Whether you have a GED or a Diploma or a replacement sheet with your grades on it (yours was trashed by you spouse as my Diploma was). All you have is a 8 x 10 sheet of cheap paper with a bunch of fancy writing on it along with your name. And the same applies to a college degree, be it a two, or 8 year or more degree. It two is an 8 x 10 sheet of cheap paper with the same fancy writing and your name on it; Will it help you get a job??? Well, with the Diploma… you are repeatedly told you are under-qualified, With the “sheep skin” you are repeatedly told you are overqualified and hence either way you are not qualified for any job…. period!! No you know why people are out of work.. So an education is nothing more than years of learning that cost you in more ways than one only to told after it’s all said and done, that it was a waste of your time in the end. What a sad commentary on the state of our country, our educations and the systems that teach those educations, and on our children who when they graduate will be told repeatedly no matter what or how much they learn… in the end it will be all a waste of time and effort. To think our nation has come to this is a terrible tragedy to all involved. Hope some of this input is helpful to others even if it isn’t all roses and perfume in content. I did read others comments and enjoyed them. I am glad I found this site. I will check back as often as possible as I am still learning and will through eternity.

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